A question for the men: if your wife and the entire family’s life savings fell into the sea, whom would you save first? Answer: Your wife, because she’d have the family coffers with her.
Ok boomer joke, I know. But it’s not uncommon for wives to be the de facto CFO of the house.
Jokes aside, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution to managing finances as a married couple. Some prefer to have all their money put together, others like to keep their finances separate, and some prefer a hybrid approach.
Individually, we have our own preferences at managing money and even SOPs; how do you do that with your spouse and balance equality? How can you two discuss this delicate topic together without devolving into a Mexican standoff in the kitchen?
When it comes to money, communication is key. Here are some conversations you can have as you do your family planning. Choose the right time to do so, of course.
“Where are we on our savings?”
This is the first step you can take to understand each other’s finances – that is, to discuss “what’s mine, yours and ours”. Take note of matrimonial assets, though.
Since you’re managing a family together, you need full transparency. It doesn’t mean that you have to merge all your assets or scrutinise each other’s monthly credit card statements; there should be an element of trust and accountability.
Talk about how much wealth you have, your income, debts etc. Many married couples choose to set up joint bank accounts and contribute monthly to it for household expenses.
“What are our common financial goals?”
Instead of creating lofty goals that are wide-ranging, break them down into achievable targets and start saving for it. This gives your spouse and you the satisfaction of achieving wins together and motivates you to push forward further. Talk about:
- what you would like to achieve in the future,
- the age you’d like to achieve these goals, and
- how you envision your everyday life together.
Together, put your goals in writing, together with the steps you’d like to take, and a projected timeline.
Pro Tip! Try using Money Pots for your goals. Set up a Money Pot for each common goal and save for it together!
“How to best handle financial differences?”
Even twins have differences, much more so for spouses who have 2 distinctly different backgrounds and attitudes. When it comes to money, tensions can sometimes intensify. Be sensitive and consider your other half’s feelings as you talk about financial goals. Here are 3 tactics:
- Agree to disagree: It’s ok to have differences. Recognise that there are many roads to the same goal, and give your partner the chance to try a different route.
- Be proactive: Help each other succeed instead of being cynical. When you both succeed, you both benefit.
- Have some humility: Be open to the possibility that you may not get it right, or that there may be a better way. Nothing welcomes your spouse to have more skin in the game than you showing you are open to suggestions.
Above all, always remember that you’re in this together, and there’s a solution for everything – you just have to work through your differences patiently!
“What can we do better together?”
Ever hear the saying, “Couples who sweat together stay together”? Well, there’s science to it. Become a power couple by improving financial literacy together.
When both of you brush up on your financial knowledge together, you form your own opinions, and you discover each others’. The resulting discussions will help you two become more aware of each other’s perspectives, which is key in mitigating finance-related tensions.
Pro Tip! Subscribe to financial newsletters, listening to podcasts, or reading books on personal finance, just do it together.
“Do we need help or advice?”
Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need – look for financial experts if you feel like you are uncertain about what to do. They will be able to assess your financial situations, suss out your goals, and recommend strategies for you to achieve win-win situations as a couple.
Meanwhile, there are some everyday things you can do to save money more actively!
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
When planning family finances with your spouse, the key is to be transparent, honest, objective, and most importantly, cooperative.